Introduction To Ballroom Dance Etiquette
Click on a title to jump to that section or just scroll down the page.
Dance etiquette is a set of guidelines that help us navigate the social dimensions of dancing. Why do we care about dance etiquette? Because it is nice to know how to go about in the dancing circles. It makes the difference between having a happy or unhappy dancing experience, the difference between people wanting, or not wanting to dance with you.
The Dance Community:
Shortly after starting to dance, you will have come across most of the "regulars” who make up the backbone of the local dance community. Dance communities are fairly small. The dance community is like a family, and its members are like family members. It pays to maintain good relationships in the dance community, because as long as you go dancing in the same geographical area, you will run into the same people over and over again, and awkward situations will remain awkward. All one has to do is to observe elementary social graces. It is also a good idea to avoid old, tired, and irresolvable arguments, dance-related or otherwise. More often than not, these are questions of taste. Enjoy the dance and the company of your dancing friends, don't put them down. It's very difficult, in fact next to impossible, to change people. Few of us have that magical combination of tact, insight, and charisma to be able to change someone's behavior in a meaningful way.
Dancing is an activity where two people come in close contact. So, before a dance, it is of utmost importance to shower or bathe and use a deodorant. Brush your teeth and use mouthwash or breath mint. Abstain from foods that produce strong odors, like those heavy in garlic. Cigarette/Cigar odor on your breath or clothing can be very unpleasant for your dance partner. Heavy perfumes, colognes and highly volatile hair styling products should be used very sparingly since some dancers may be chemically sensitive or allergic. Strong fragrances can make even the average person woozy! During a dance, Check your grooming periodically and, during active dance sessions, freshen up and towel off periodically in the bathroom. Gentlemen, it's perfectly OK for you to carry an extra shirt with you to the dance, in case you need a change.
Dancing has its own culture. If you want to join a group of dancers and enjoy their company, it is a good idea to follow the accepted dress of their dance group. The more formal the dance, the more formal the outfit. This is not as hard as it may seem; a little common sense goes a long way. Also, if in doubt, follow the crowd! See what others do and follow suit. If all else fails, you can always ask the dance organizers about the dress code.
White tie: White tie is the most formal category of dressing. Gentleman, it means a black tailcoat with matching trousers trimmed by ribbon of braid or satin on the outside of each trouser leg, a white pique' tie, white pique' single or double-breasted vest, and a wing-collar shirt with a stiff pique' front. White gloves are nice optional accessories for gentlemen. The lady appears in a ball gown, which is an evening dress with a full skirt, possibly with open back and low neck line. Elbow-length gloves are a nice addition for the lady.
Black tie: Gentlemen in black tuxedo coat, trousers trimmed with satin ribbon along the outside of the legs, cummerbund and bow tie. The phrase “black tie” does not refer to the color of the tie. In fact colorful ties (with matching cummerbunds) are very popular. Ladies appear in ball gowns.
Black tie optional: Same as above, except gentlemen have the option of wearing a regular suit with a tie (bow tie preferred), and ladies wear a cocktail gown or dinner dress. Long to full-length skirts are preferred; short skirts are not recommended.
Formal: Gentlemen in suit and tie (nowadays a sport coat is often an acceptable replacement for a full suit), ladies in cocktail gown or evening dress.
Semi-formal: Gentlemen in dress slacks with dress shirt and tie, jacket is optional. Other options include a vest or a sweater that shows the tie. At the lower end of formality, these events can be attended without a tie, e.g. with a turtleneck and jacket. Ladies in evening dress or dinner dress, but other chic outfits are also acceptable (like flowing pants, etc.)
Dressy Casual: Applies to most practice dances, workshops, and dance lessons. Gentlemen can wear cotton slacks with solid color T-shirt, turtleneck, mock turtleneck, or polo shirt. Ladies have a much wider set of clothing options. In general this is a conservative and toned-down appearance that has grown increasingly popular on the dance floors. Don't forget your dance shoes!
Country/Western: Country western attire has variations across the country, but generally it is acceptable to go in blue or black jeans (not stone-washed) and cowboy boots. Make sure that the boots will not mark the dance floor. If you wear a hat, it may be a good idea to take it off when going on the floor. Note that country western folks can be very sensitive about their hats. It is improper to touch or otherwise handle someone's hat, even if it sits on a table. For a lady to pick up and put on a gentleman's hat though, is considered very flirtatious!
Mélanges: (Argentine Tango) For both ladies and gentlemen, black or dark themes are preferred.
Latin: This refers to venues that specialize in Salsa, Meringue, Cumbia, etc. For gentlemen, any button-up shirt, solid T-shirt or mock turtleneck, dress slacks, and dance shoes. Jackets are nice, but a vest can be even more stylish. Unlike most other dance venues, bright and colorful outfits for gentlemen are acceptable, although dark themes are more common. Ladies can (and often do) wear sexy outfits: both short skirts and longer slit skirts are popular. Low necklines and exposed midriffs are not uncommon.
Swing: There are no strict rules for swing outfits. Both the gentleman and the lady wear outfits that are reasonably neat and chic, although often not very formal. Many types of swing are fast-paced and athletic, so wearing suitable clothing is essential. For example, the lady would be well advised to stay away from short, tight skirts. A cute trend, especially in Lindy Hop circles, is to wear vintage outfits from the 1930's and 40's. But this is not done everywhere and is not at all a requirement.
Wear clothing that makes it easy and enjoyable to dance, both for yourself and your partner. Regardless of how informal the dance is, always wear dance shoes if possible. Do not wear sneakers or other shoes with rubber or spongy soles. They can stick to the floor during turns and spins and cause ankle and knee injuries. Avoid sleeveless shirts and strapped dresses, especially for active dancing. It's not pleasant to have to touch the damp skin of a partner. Use caution: sleeves that are baggy or cut low in the armpit are not a good idea, especially in Latin and swing dancing, because dancers need access to partner's back, and hands can get caught in baggy sleeves. Accessories like big rings, watches, brooches, loose/long necklaces, and big belt buckles can be dangerous. They can catch in partner's clothing, scratch and bruise. Gentlemen, if you have no place to leave your keys and loose change, carry them in the left pocket of your trousers. This makes it less likely to injure your partner. Ladies with long hair remember, hair can get caught in gentleman's right hand, and it's also not fun to be hit in the face with flying hair during turns and spins. You be the judge!
Either the man or woman may ask for a dance. When asking for a dance, try not to be overly aggressive, i.e. take the hint after two refusals. Try not to turn down anyone who has asked for a dance. It is all right to state that you are "sitting this one out" or that you're "not familiar" with a particular dance. It is extremely rude to turn down one person and then accept another invitation during the same dance number. With couples of two different genders, the gentleman always leads the lady. Cutting in is quite acceptable at dance classes but should be avoided at social events. Gentlemen, at the end of a dance, you should thank your partner for the dance and walk them to the "sidelines" or their table instead of leaving them on the dance floor. In the past it has been the tradition that men asked women to dance. But this custom has gradually changed. Today, women should feel equally comfortable asking a man for a dance, even in a formal setting.
1. The Claw: this is when a woman clutches the man's right arm with an iron grip. This can be painful with long nails especially in combination with the Coat Hanger.
2. The Coat Hanger: this is when the woman does not support the weight of her own arms or body but sort of hangs off her partner as dead weight that he must drag across the dance floor.
3. Role reversal: Other than lack of rhythm, the most common complaint that men have is women who lead and/or don’t follow the man’s lead. This faux pas will land you on the sidelines for sure unless you have stunningly good looks.
4. Limp wristed spaghetti arms: this is physically taxing and no fun for the man since he has to put in twice as much effort to lead the woman.
5. Miss sour puss: shaking one’s head, rolling one’s eyes, looking bored, and ignoring one’s partner all fall into this category of bad attitude.
Dance Faux Pas To Be Avoided By Men:
1. The Non-Existent Lead: Ambiguous or non-existent leads are the most common complaint of female ballroom dancers. It is not the job of the woman to know what steps to do. A firm lead is always appreciated since it's usually the woman who ends up looking incompetent when the man doesn’t lead properly.
2. The Egotist: " The primary job of a male dancer is to make his partner look good," It is, therefore, considered impolite to dance above the level of your partner. If you sense that a lady is not comfortable with a certain step, avoid it. Be sensitive to your partner’s level of dance experience.
3. Limp wristed spaghetti arms: Lack of frame is bad enough in women but it makes dancing almost impossible when it's the man that's guilty of this faux pas.
4. The Dictator: Men who lead by barking orders and arm wrenching are unpleasant. Though this is somewhat rare, what is more common are men who, to various degrees, bulldoze and drag their partners across the dance floor. This is particularly unpleasant when dancing fast dances with larger men.
5. The Pervert: Wandering hands, indiscreet stares, stalking, unwanted advances, men who circle the dance floor checking out women. You know who you are. You are only fooling yourself if you think these actions go unnoticed.
Dance etiquette strongly encourages everyone to dance with many different partners. This is to ensure a diversity of partnerships on the floor, and to give everyone a chance to dance. Specifically, dance etiquette rules against asking the same partner for more than two consecutive dances. One of the most common violations of this rule occurs when someone dances most of the night with their escort. The ruling of etiquette in this case is much the same as for the traditional (formal) dinner parties: you never sit down to dinner next to your spouse. A version of this rule is, you reserve the first and last dance of the evening for your escort, and other dances with others. People generally tend to dance with others at their own level, but you should try to dance socially with partners of all levels.
When asking for a dance, it’s easiest to stay with traditional phrases:
“May I have this dance?'' - “May I have this Waltz/Rumba/Foxtrot/etc.'' - “Would you like to dance?'' - “Care to dance?'' - “Shall we dance?'' In the past it’s been the tradition that men asked women to dance. But this custom has gradually changed. Today, women should feel equally comfortable asking a man for a dance, even in a formal setting.
Being declined is always unpleasant. For beginners and shy individuals it is even harder to take, and may discourage them from social dancing. Dance etiquette requires that you should avoid declining a dance under most circumstances. There is no correct way of refusing an invitation on the basis of preferring to dance with someone else. According to tradition, the only graceful way of declining a dance is either (a) you do not know the dance, (b) you need to take a rest, or (c) you have promised the dance to someone else. The last excuse should be used sparingly. When declining a dance, it is good form to offer another dance instead: “No, thank you, I'm taking a break. Would you like to do another dance later?'' Also, declining a dance means sitting out the whole song. It is inconsiderate and outright rude to dance a song with anyone after you have declined to dance it with someone else. If you are asked to dance a song before you can ask (or get asked by) your desired partner, that's the luck of the draw. The choices are to dance it with whomever asked first, or to sit out the dance. Does dance etiquette allow declining a dance outside of the cases mentioned above? The answer is YES. If someone is trying to monopolize you on the dance floor, makes inappropriate advances, is unsafe (e.g. constantly collides with others on the floor), or is in other ways obnoxious, you are within the bounds of etiquette to politely but firmly decline any more dances. Perhaps the simplest, best way is to say “No thank you,'' without further explanation or argument. Dancers are encouraged to use discretion and restraint when exercising this option.
Being Declined:
The first thing to do if you are turned down for a dance is to take the excuse at face value. Typical social dance sessions can be as long as three to four hours, and there are few dancers who have the stamina of dancing non-stop. Everyone has to take a break once in a while, and that means possibly turning down one or two people each time one takes a break. The advice to shy dancers and especially beginners is not to get discouraged if they are turned down once or twice. However, since social dancers are generally nice and polite, being repeatedly declined could possibly be a signal for you to examine your dancing and social interactions to see if anything is wrong.
Some caution should be exercised when getting on a crowded dance floor, especially if the song has already started and couples are dancing on the floor. It is the responsibility of incoming couples to make sure that they stay out of the way of the couples already dancing. The dancing on a floor is done along a counter clockwise direction, known as the "Line Of Dance". This applies to traveling dances including Waltz, Foxtrot, Tango, Quickstep, and Viennese Waltz, as well as Polka and the two-step in country western dance. Latin and Swing dances are more or less stationary and have no line of dance. Sometimes it’s possible to dance more than one type of dance to the same song. For example, some Foxtrots can also be Swings, and many Lindy Hop songs are just great for Quickstep. In that case, Swing dancers take the middle of the floor, and the moving dancers move along the outside in the direction of the "Line of Dance".
When a song comes to an end, thank your partner, and leave the floor as quickly as is gracefully possible. Tradition requires that the gentleman give his arm to the lady and take her back to her seat at the end of the dance. While this custom is linked to the outdated tradition requiring the gentlemen to ask ladies for dances, it is still a nice touch, although it may be impractical on the more crowded dance floors. In any case, try to walk the lady at least to the edge of the dance floor. Don't keep them talking after the dance is over if they seem ready to break away to look for their next partner. When being thanked at the end of the dance, don't let your response be "You're welcome'' The proper answer to "Thank you'' on the dance floor is: "Thank you'' The point is that the thanks is not due to a favor, but to politeness. Remember that dancing too many dances with the same partner and booking lots of dances ahead are violations of social dance rules.
Responsible usage of the floor requires that you stay out of the way of others. Sometimes a momentary movement against line of dance might be necessary. These movements should be executed with great caution on a social dance floor, and only when there is no danger of collision. Avoid getting too close to other couples, especially less experienced ones. Be prepared to change the direction of your dance to avoid congested areas. Sharing the floor sometimes means leaving the floor! For example, if there are too many dancers to fit on the floor, then a considerate dancer would sit out every few dances to let everyone dance. Another aspect of sharing the floor is to match one's speed to that of others.
The only thing to be said about aerials on the social dance floor is: Don't Do Them! While they may look "cool,'' don't do them on the social dance floor. Please take this issue seriously. The same principle applies to other lifts and drops, as well as choreographed patterns that require a large amount of floor space.
Never blame a partner for missed execution of moves. Regardless of who is at fault when a dancing mishap occurs, both parties are supposed to just smile and whisper “sorry...''` and go on. This applies to the better dancer in particular, who bears a greater responsibility. Accepting the blame is especially a nice touch for the gentleman, but at the same time, do not apologize profusely. It makes your partner uncomfortable.
It is important that the more experienced partner dances at the level of the less experienced partner. For leaders: when dancing with a new partner, start with simple moves, and gradually work your way up to more complicated patterns. You will discover a comfort level, file it away in memory for the next time you dance with the same partner. The same principle applies to followers, although to a lesser degree. Doing extra syncopations, footwork, free spins etc. can be distracting and even intimidating for a less experienced leader. The show-off follower is rather rare; most of the violations of this sort are by leaders who lead inexperienced partners into complicated moves.
Be personable, smile, and make eye contact with your partner. Try to project a warm and positive image on the dance floor, even if that is not your personal style. Once someone asks or accepts a dance, it is important to be outwardly positive, even if not feeling exactly enthusiastic. There is no acceptable excuse for an unpleasant demeanor on the dance floor. Be watchful of an unchecked ego. While a healthy sense of self is helpful, it is more attractive when mixed with an equal dose of modesty. Don't let perceived dancing abilities or physical attractiveness go to your head.
1. Unsolicited teaching:
This is unfortunately one of the more common breaches of dance etiquette. This often happens when a dancer stops in the middle of a song to correct his or her partner, or tell them how to execute a dance figure. Ironically, this error is often committed by individuals who are not fit to teach! Experienced social dancers dance at the level of their partners. Even for experienced dancers, the social dance floor is not the place to teach or to correct your partner. It is better to concentrate on patterns that both partners can do and enjoy. Unsolicited teaching can be humiliating and takes the fun out of dancing.
2. Soliciting teaching on the floor:
This is not necessarily a flagrant violation. For many, it is flattering to be consulted about a point of dancing. Dancers can learn a lot from each other in social dancing. Observing a few simple points will make things enjoyable for all. Don't say "teach me" the moment someone asks you to dance. If they are shy, they may feel trapped and will spend the next few minutes with you, and then for the rest of the night will avoid you like the plague. If they are not so shy, they may not teach you, and for the rest of the night will avoid you like the plague. When asked to dance, one could say "I would like to, but I don't know the dance.'' This shows that help would be appreciated, but without any pressure. The asker in this situation can either offer to take the partner on the floor and do some basic steps, or if they are not so inclined, take it as a decline of dance. It is better to request help from friends, or at least someone you have had a dance or two with already, rather than someone you just met. If you want to get pointers from someone, wait until they sit out a dance. This way they don't miss out on a dance by helping you.
Success in a social activity requires awareness of accepted norms of behavior. The importance of dance etiquette to the social dancer can hardly be overstated. Etiquette is important everywhere, but especially in dancing, a delicate activity where unpleasantness has no place. Dance communities tend to be fairly small, giving a nice self-enforcing characteristic to dance etiquette. Inconsiderate individuals may temporarily enjoy themselves at other dancers' expense, but they quickly develop a reputation, generally unbeknownst to them. A good reputation as a considerate and enjoyable partner is a social dancer's best asset. When all is said and done, your happiness in social dancing depends more on you than anyone else. If you are determined to have a good time, and have a good attitude, you have an excellent chance of enjoying your dancing experience!
The first ingredient of a good attitude is a sense of humor. Take all that comes to you in stride. If you are not asked for dances, or are turned down a few times, don't be bothered. If a particular dance doesn't go well, if you misstep in a pattern or two, let it pass. You can't do better than your best. Be nice to other dancers, continue to improve your dancing, and you will have a progressively more enjoyable dancing experience.
The key to enjoyment in dancing is awareness of your goal: to enjoy dancing. Enjoyment is contagious. People like to be around individuals who enjoy themselves. Be one of those individuals. Be determined not to let small things spoil your evening of dancing.
Make friends in the dancing community. Active, outgoing personalities have an advantage in social dancing. Even if you are not naturally that way, try and cultivate a pro-active approach to your dancing. Ultimately no-one and nothing can make you happy or unhappy. Only you can make you happy and dancing can help!
Crystal Chandeliers Ballroom Dance Club Spokane, WA
Please report broken links or send comments To: Webmaster@ccballroom.com